Oscar Wilde once said, “to love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance”.

Self-love has been my life long journey – yes I’m still living and breathing it. 

Self-love for me developed and continues to grow the more I heal myself. I have found that after healing some deep emotional wounds, I no longer desired to smoke, drink alcohol, take drugs or harm myself physically in that way. This was a natural side-effect of processing deep childhood traumas and emotional wounds. It wasn’t a decision I made to stop smoking, for example, because I tried that many times before and always went back to it. I literally just stopped having the cravings and desire to engage in those addictions the more I healed.  

Healing or the spiritual path is all about growing in love.

I’m talking about the quality of love from within.

I now find it easy to love myself on the outside with eating good nutritious food, exercise, sleeping well, living a chemical-free lifestyle using essential oils etc but I still catch myself internally judging or criticising myself at times.

The deeper I go on my healing journey I know, based on what I have already experienced, that these negative self-talk and thoughts will eventually subside, as long as I focus on doing my inner work which I also see as the most loving thing I can do for myself. 

What I have learned about love is that it has to include you. If it doesn’t include you, it’s not love. 

This is a very hard thing to grasp for most of us as we are taught that sacrificing ourselves is love. That saying yes to your needs before someone else’s needs is selfish and that being perceived as a good person is better than speaking your truth — plus it avoids conflict. 

We all are on this inner self-love journey and as you heal and do your inner work, you can also practice self-love on the outside to start cultivating a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself. 

So this Valentine’s whether you’re in a relationship or not, give yourself some love. 

Here are 21 Acts of Self Love you can indulge in: 

  1. Call someone you love and tell them how much they mean to you
  2. Spend the evening in nurturing self-care
  3. Write a heartfelt forgiveness letter to someone that hurt you (this has to be sincere)
  4. Book yourself a relaxing massage
  5. Have a calming salt bath infused with essential oils, candles, rose petals — whatever will melt your stress away
  6. Have fun preparing and cooking a nutritious meal for yourself
  7. Go enjoy a sunset walk on the beach
  8. Get some popcorn and spend the evening watching a funny/romantic movie
  9. Listen to an inspiring podcast or an enlightening TedTalk 
  10. Dive into a good book and lose track of time
  11. Light some candles, make a cuppa and create a cozy atmosphere
  12. Pluck up the courage to share your true feelings with someone you’ve been wanting to for a while
  13. Do a clear out, donate old clothes, shoes, items or anything that no longer aligns with you 
  14. Go on an adventure and do something you’ve always wanted to do but never done before
  15. Create a juicy playlist and dance around like no-one is watching 
  16. Do a digital detox for a day
  17. Spend some time connecting within, reflect and journal about your life or whatever comes up for you
  18. Write a love letter to yourself 
  19. Write a forgiveness letter to yourself about something you feel ashamed about (this has to come from your heart)
  20. Look yourself in the mirror and for 5 minutes just compliment yourself 
  21. Invest in a program you need support with or on a coach that can help you heal and grow on your self-love healing journey

Commit to being more loving with yourself on a regular basis. In fact, make it your life’s mission to always be growing in love, to BE LOVE. 

After all, the spiritual journey is all about love and if it doesn’t include you, then you still don’t know what love is. 

Know that all your relationships are a reflection of how you relate to yourself, so the more you learn to love yourself the more all your relationships and life will start to flourish. 

If you want a guide to grow your self-love, I’ve created the online program Healing the Broken Heart exactly for this purpose.

With love,


All techniques and information I share are considered coaching, self-help or complementary therapies. I am not a licensed psychologist, psychiatrist or medical doctor, I have a degree in Health Sciences in Complementary Therapies. Everything I write and talk about comes mainly from my own experience in healing myself and the tools, techniques, and resources I learned throughout my own inner journey.

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