Today I want to share with you some of the most common mistakes people make when starting their healing journey. Maybe you have done them too?
For one there are so many healing methods out there today, it’s easy to get caught up in the thought that the next thing will finally heal you – I know I did!
Once you understand the language of the Soul and how to navigate the realm of the heart, you will be on your way to experiencing more joy, connection, love, fulfilment, healthier and more harmonious relationships in a heartbeat 💗
So let’s explore the 7 Mistakes People Make When Starting To Heal:
#1 – “I can do it on my own”
You may have read a lot of self-help books and tried all sorts of tools and yet, you still don’t know what exactly is stopping you from healing.
Let me put something into perspective…
When you have an accident, you go to the hospital.
When you have a toothache, you go to the dentist.
When you’re sick, you go see a doctor.
So why is it then that when people suffer from emotional pain and self-sabotaging negative patterns, they think they have to be able to figure it all out by themselves?
There is NO shame in not being able to figure this whole thing out on your own!
And there is NO shame in asking for help when it comes to your healing.
The truth is that you can’t do it on your own, especially not at the beginning of your healing journey. You need help and guidance no matter how many self-help and psychology books you read.
Just FYI, it “only” took me 10 years of healing, therapy, training, seminars, hundreds of books and deep experimenting before finding an approach that works for everyone.
I have been where you are and got out the other side, I know the way! I know it can work for you too because these are universal principles, applied specifically to your unique situation and history. Instead of trying to “fix” what’s broken, we can instead go to the emotional root cause and release it.
I’m basically the fast-track to your breakthrough – so if you want to save 10 years of your time (and money) trying to figure it all out I’d LOVE to guide you.
#2 – Not being consistent (i.e. “I don’t want to commit”)
When you’re doing your own healing, not being consistent with your inner work is another way you unknowingly sabotage your own healing.
The thing is, this start and stop pattern is a direct reflection of your lack of sincere desire to change, do the real inner work and heal. You’re unconsciously saying “I don’t want to commit”.
You want it mentally but not emotionally – if that makes sense?
You say you want it but your heart is not fully committed.
There could be many reasons for this underlying lack of commitment, some I hear a lot are fear of the unknown, fear of change and the consequences of the new decisions and actions you will have to commit to, a belief that you are going to stay stuck in the emotional pain forever if you open up that pandora’s box, a belief that it works for everyone else but you, and many more.
If you are half-arsed about your healing you will get half-arsed results.
Firstly, healing is a process. The way I work is I guide you step by step through that process, from the top layer right to the core.
It is important to understand that as unconscious patterns come up, it is natural that you will want to recoil to your comfort zone as it will make you feel overwhelmed and very uncomfortable – this is probably what you are already doing and hence you can’t seem to commit.
This is precisely the reason why you are not able to breakthrough.
The coaching container is there to hold you responsible and accountable for the transformation you are committing to. To make you push past discomfort into true healing.
As I mentioned above, healing emotional wounds is a process, there are many layers to healing one wound and if you don’t know the way, you will most certainly get lost, feel frustrated and keep going round in circles.
Throughout the time we coach together, I will guide you through this process every step of the way.
Healing starts when YOU decide to commit to you, to your health and wellbeing!
#3 – “I just want the results“ or “I just want to fix this”
This is a way people avoid taking responsibility for their healing, by acting out and using this as a way to “escape” committing to their healing. They’re not ready to do the REAL inner work, they’re rather hoping that someone could wave a magic wand and poof! They’re healed and have the results they want. This is a form of spiritual bypassing.
Unfortunately, I can’t do that. In fact, no one can do that for you and if anyone says they can, run the other way – it’s a scam.
I’ve found with clients like these, they fool themselves into believing they are “trying” and that “they’ve tried everything” but when you examine this deeper they haven’t “tried” at all.
If I tell you to “try” to pick up a pen, you won’t be able to because trying implies “not doing”.
If you just want the results, you don’t want to heal. Read that again.
You basically want a way to spiritually bypass doing the REAL inner work.
And let me give it to you straight, that does not exist.
This is one of the main reasons I stopped doing energy healing.
People can guide you and show you the way but they can’t do YOUR inner work for you!
“I just want the results” stems from an intention based on the wounded ego and not a sincere desire for truth, acceptance, forgiveness and learning the life lesson presented by the negative pattern.
If you “just want the results” you’re basically saying I don’t want to learn the lesson! And guess what? You will continue to stay stuck in this negative pattern until you sincerely desire to heal and learn that lesson.
You are basically just throwing an emotional tantrum.
By “just wanting the results”, you are in essence trying to avoid feeling the depths of your emotional pain. But because you think you are “trying” by doing things like meditation, reading self-help, getting an energy healing here and there, doing yoga etc, you believe you are “on the path” and this couldn’t be further from the truth. Which is probably why you may now be thinking “why am I not getting the results?”.
Your intention to “just get the results” will mislead you into wasting your time and money on the next new age healing modality that promises quick fixes and a fast track to XYZ – this is literally what I did for 10 years!
So please trust me on this one.
“Just wanting results” to me translates as “I don’t want to know the truth” and “I don’t want to take responsibility for this pattern or my emotions”.
#4 – “If I could just understand WHY” (ie Intellectualization)
There is a limit to the amount of understanding required in order to heal.
Once you understand that you have emotions to process, no amount of information or understanding will help you feel because feeling lies in your desire to feel the emotion itself.
It is then that you have to make the transition from your head to your heart and desire FEELING your emotional pain. Staying in the head will actually prevent you from accessing your feelings and emotions.
This is the most challenging part as most people want to avoid emotional pain at all cost.
One of the ways people avoid their emotional pain is through intellectualization, this happens so much I wrote a whole blog on intellectualization.
#5 – “Time will heal it”
This is truly the biggest myth of all.
Time does not heal any emotional wounds!
Over time, what tends to happen is that you re-enforce your negative patterns. Processing your emotional wounds and traumas is what will heal you. I have worked with women in their 60s who were still holding on to painful experiences since childhood! They had suppressed it so much, thinking it wasn’t affecting them, meanwhile these suppressed emotions started to affect their physical health, mental health, relationships and played out in negative patterns in all areas of their life.
Emotional and mental wellbeing is just as important as physical wellbeing and self-care.
Taking the “time” to process your hurtful experiences will not only heal you – set you free from your limiting patterns, negative thoughts and painful emotions – but also catapult your spiritual evolution.
The only hard part is starting because once you start to process your emotions and notice the relief, inner peace, realizations, healing and transformation that is happening in your life, you will then have faith in the process and keep going!
#6 – “I will start when…”
I will start when my kids are back at school…
When I’m not so busy at work…
I will start after the holidays…
I will start next week…
I will start when I’m ready…
Tomorrow, tomorrow I will start for sure!!
So many people think about starting their healing journey but don’t start. I’ve seen people let 10 years go by saying they will start when XYZ happens and yet they continue to complain about why they are not healing, why their life feels unfulfilling, why they are still stuck in some of these negative patterns. They postpone and make excuses and basically don’t prioritize their healing.
Know that there is never a right time to start healing.
Life is always happening.
Healing is a choice.
The excuses that show up are very much tangible and “real” and are the very things you will need to overcome in order to start.
If you don’t have time, you will have to learn how to prioritize your time. Look at where you are wasting time whether it’s scrolling through Facebook or watching lots of Netflix and use that time instead to do your inner work and to take the action that you need to take to change, heal and create the life you desire.
If you don’t have the energy, you will have to cultivate that energy somehow. Look at your nutrition, sleeping patterns, lifestyle and start to support your body, health and wellbeing. As you cultivate your energy, you will be able to direct it to healing and making the changes you desire.
Because the truth is, you use these excuses to avoid facing your emotional pain.
You keep saying “you will start” when…
Escaping through your daily routine, emotional addictions and circumstances will never allow you to break free from your suffering – only facing it will.
Healing is a decision away.
You can choose to heal or choose to stay suffering in emotional pain, the choice is yours.
#7 – “I don’t want to invest in healing or coaching. It’s too expensive”
How much have you already spent on things that are not supporting your health and healing?
How much is it costing you to stay where you are?
What will your life look like in 5 years if you don’t heal this emotional pattern?
How much is your health, relationships and life worth to you?
Most people don’t see the value in coaching or healing because they don’t value themselves.
Sadly these things will not bring you the healing, inner fulfilment and transformation you desire.
For most people who say they don’t have money to spend on coaching, it’s not about the money. The truth is, it’s never about the money, it’s about what they VALUE.
I’ve met women who value botox, getting their gelish nails done monthly, Louis Vuitton bags, going on luxury holidays and material things, over their Soul, healing and investing in their emotional, mental health and wellbeing.
If this is you and what you want to spend your money on then great, do that! But be aware that when you say you don’t have money to invest and yet spend more on other material things, you are telling yourself a lie.
You’d be more honest and truthful toward yourself saying “I don’t want to invest in myself or my healing”, or “I don’t value coaching”.
As a coach, my job is to point out your blindspots and this is one I see so often with people.
Looking at your excuses requires honesty, sincerity and a lot of humility.
Holidays are fun and will give you a quick pick-me up feel good about life. And botox may make you not wrinkle for a little while but both of these external luxuries will not bring you the true inner peace and fulfilment you will experience when you truly heal and start to love who you are.
When I first started my healing journey, I sacrificed going on holidays and brunches with friends to invest in my healing. I literally spent most of my money on therapy and getting trained in different healing modalities – basically investing in myself over and over again. I’ve never regretted it, to me it was well worth it.
If you’ve been struggling emotionally for a long time, go get some help! Invest in the healing of your Soul. At least in the beginning part of your healing journey so you get the hang of the process. It’s easy to fool yourself into thinking you are “processing”, making excuses for yourself and procrastinating because after all, you are in your comfort zone.
As you live your life, new emotional wounds are likely to occur – it’s completely normal! Just as you go to regular doctor and dentist check ups, it’s only healthy to tend to your emotional wellbeing too, before they become bigger wounds that keep you suffering and miserable.
You weren’t taught how to process emotions in school or by your parents, so think of this investment like learning a new language, the language of your heart & soul.
Imagine the happy relationships, the improved physical health, the clarity, joy and the renewed sense of purpose that will be on the other side of healing, waiting for you…