Module 4 – Getting to the Heart-Core

Journaling Prompts:

• Reflecting back on your childhood how do you remember your parents’ relationship with each other? How did your father treat your mother? How did your mother treat your father? 
• Were your parents having difficulties in their relationship when your mother was pregnant with you? Or did anything traumatic happen when your mother was pregnant with you? 
• How was your relationship with your mother growing up? How did you feel towards her?
• How was your relationship with your father growing up? How did you feel towards him? 
  
• What are some of your mother’s traits/behaviours you see in yourself now?
• What are some of your father’s traits/behaviours you see in yourself now?
• How is your current or past relationships similar to that of your parents? Focus more on the emotional patterns and behaviours here. 
• What do you still blame your mother for? Don’t be scared to write down what you blame her for. 
• What do you still blame your father for? (same as above)
  

Ancestral Patterns: 

• Looking at your mother and her maternal lineage (meaning her mother, your grandmother from her side, your great grandmother from her side etc.), what are some of their common emotions, behaviour, attitudes, viewpoints, beliefs, stories you have taken on about men/women, love and relationships? How are they impacting you, your life and your relationships?

   

• Looking at your father and his paternal lineage (meaning your grandfather from his side, your great grandfather from his side etc), what are some of their emotions, behaviour, attitudes, viewpoints, beliefs, stories you may have taken on about men/women, love and relationships? How are they impacting you, your life and your relationships?

• You may wish to explore the same about your culture or the society in which you were brought up. What are some of the behaviour, attitudes, viewpoints, beliefs, stories you may have taken on from the culture/society you grew up in with regards to men/women, relationships and love? How are they impacting you, your life and your relationships?

Action Steps:

After you have done the journaling above and are clear about your childhood wounds, write a letter to your parents one at a time. Below is a format you can follow:

Start with “Dear Mother/Father, 

I’m going to say some things I’ve never said before…

1. This is what you did/still do to me..
2. This is how I felt at the time / how I feel now..
3. This is how it affected me and/or is still affecting my life…
4. This is what I want from our relationship from now on…

The letter will be an ongoing process for now so don’t worry if you can’t finish it as long as you get started. Writing the letter itself will be very healing, you may grieve and perhaps even new memories of realizations may come up. 

The idea is to build-up to eventually send it to your parents, have a conversation with them, read it to them if you feel safer doing that. If you do not feel safe and feel they may manipulate the situation, deny, gaslight you its best to do this with a therapist present or send an email without expecting a response. Know that if they are emotionally immature parents than it’s highly unlikely they will take this letter well and you will need to be ready to accept this and still stand strong in your truth knowing that you are doing this out of love and to give them an opportunity to heal the relationship with you.